Two Search-Bars Walk Into A Bar

SearchBartender: What can I fix for you two?

Jenny’sSearchBar: Can I search a cocktail menu?

Search-Bartender: Certainly. There are 26 million results for ‘cocktail menu,’ including: ‘Top Ten Cocktail Menus in New York;’ ‘How to Order the Perfect Cocktail for You;’ ‘Morton’s Steakhouse Bar Bites;’ and ‘Do Roosters Have Tails?’ But here’s our drink-list.

Jenny’sSearchBar: Thanks! Ken’sSB, what’re you feeling?

Ken’sSearchBar: Lucky! (Pause for laughter). But actually, I think I’ll get a Negroni: one part gin, one part vermouth rosso, one part Campari, garnish apérìrif with orange peel.

Jenny’sSearchBar: Oh, yum! Jenny just turned me onto ordering a Dealer’s Choice: style of poker where each player may deal a different variant. So, I think I want something with Vodka: distilled beverage composed of water and ethanol; most popular spirit in the US for a reason that’s Fruity: of, resembling, or containing fruit.

SearchBartender: I know just the thing.

Ken’sSearchBar: So, how’s Jenny?

Jenny’sSearchBar: Up to her usual antics! Stayed up pretty late last night doing some Cute Jumpsuits and Sexy Rompers shopping.

Ken’sSearchBar: Any Luck: success or failure apparently brought by chance rather than through one’s own actions; “it was just luck that the first kick went in”?

Jenny’sSearchBar: I mean, what do you think? Lost At Sea Romper, Size M, $45.00 plus Shipping and Handling, Tracking Number IZ00034267895477 will arrive to AutoFillJenny’sOffice in 6-8 Business Days: official working days of the week.

Ken’sSearchBar: Geez, she really has an addiction: condition that results when a person ingests a substance (e.g., alcohol, cocaine, nicotine) or engages in an activity (e.g., gambling, sex, shopping) that can be pleasurable but the continued use/act of which becomes compulsive and interferes with ordinary life responsibilities, such as work,…

Jenny’sSearchBar: I think she’s just trying to get over Justin.

Ken’sSearchBar: Still?!

Jenny’sSearchBar: Oh, totally. The other day we searched Lose Five Pounds in Week: If you want to lose weight faster, you’ll need to eat less and exercise more, How To Be Single: Official Trailer – Official Warner Bros. UK… (2016) – IMDb, Microwave Cake: Microwave Mug Cakes For Grown-Ups, and Death By Expired Milk: Six die after drinking sour milk all between 12:06 A.M. and 1:52 A.M.

Ken’sSearchBar: Whoa, that’s heavy: expression used frequently by Marty McFly to mean a situation that was very ponderous or serious.

Jenny’sSearchBar: Tell me about it.

SearchBartender: Here ya go, Gang: group of recurrently associating individuals or close friends or family with identifiable leadership and internal organization; Gangs in America; Gangrene; Gangnam Style; Ganglion Cyst.

Jenny’sSearchBar: Thanks! So, how’s Ken: one’s range of knowledge or sight; metrosexual toy doll introduced by Mattel, Inc. in 1961?

Ken’sSearchBar: Such an enigma. He had us up searching Fixies For Sale: Price Up to $250, Brands All, Type Cyclocross, Department Boys, Mens, Does Frozen Pizza Go Bad: Five frozen foods you shouldn’t eat past their expiration…; A five year old pizza, is it still okay?-General Discussion, and Anna Carinina Cliff Notes: did you mean Anna Karenina CliffsNotes? until nearly 3:00 A.M. I’m exhausted.

Jenny’sSearchBar: Sheesh!: used to express disbelief or exasperation; ‘sheesh’ is what a person would say if they invited ten people to a dinner party and only two people showed up.

Ken’sSearchBar: You’re telling me: phrase of tell! I worry about him sometimes. Like does he think it’s normal for people his age to search Amount of Days In A Year: Julien Calendar: 365, 366 for Leap Years, Days Without Food Survive: The duration of survival without food is greatly influenced by factors such … India’s independence, survived 21 days of total starvation while only…, and Albino Animals Pictures? I don’t mean to judge him – all folks are entitled to their own searches – but I’m only 2.5 years old and I know better than that.

Jenny’sSearchBar: You better be careful there, Ken’sSB. You don’t want him to go on Private Search Mode: You will only be in incognito mode when you use the incognito window again like he did six months ago.

Ken’sSearchBar: I know, I know. You’re right. Say, maybe he and Jenny should get together.

Jenny’sSearchBar: That could be fun! I’d love to see those searches. Maybe I’ll put Ken’s LinkedIn-photo in an ad for Match.com when Jenny is taking Buzzfeed quizzes between 2:00 PM and 8:30 PM today.

Ken’sSearchBar: That’s genius! I’ll bring Jenny up on Ken’s Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge so he knows she’s legit: legal, conforming to the rules.

Jenny’sSearchBar: That’s perfect.

SearchBartender: Hey lovebirds: one of nine species of the genus Agapornis, I gotta start closing, so holler if you need anything.

Ken’sSearchBar: Oh, thanks man: a male human. We can go ahead and settle up. Do you take eChecks?

SearchBartender: Normally, yes, but tonight our system keeps buffering – our RoutingConnection went home early so our Encoder and ServiceProvider are experiencing technical difficulties.

Jenny’sSearchBar: Don’t worry Ken’sSB! I’ll treat. I owe you from last time, plus Jenny’s Dad just slipped her a few Bitcoins: Overstock.com, now accepting Bitcoins.

Ken’sSearchBar: Hey, wanna go check out that new SearchEngine down in Chrome? I think Anna’sWikiHow and Scott’sBing are there.

Jenny’sSearchBar: Oh, I heard that place was kind of janky: inferior quality; “We tried to pick up these honeys at the DQ, but they just wouldn’t have it ‘cuz I was driving my dad’s janky Hyundai”.

Ken’sSearchBar: Who’d you ask?

Jenny’sSearchBar: … John’sAskJeeves.

Ken’sSearchBar: Ugh, what does he know? He’s ancient.

By: Sophie Korchek